Again still in Dhaka

Hi everyone,
Yup I'm still in Dhaka. Have being a bit of a bum here and have realized that that is okej with me and actually it's exactly what I want to be doing right now. I'm learning a lot being a bum and interacting with the people I meet every day.
I went to the newly made friends house in Natore (mentioned near the end of my last blog entry). It was really fun, tiring, uncomfortable and comfortable. It was in a rather isolated setting but still had a busy town center. I enjoyed playing futbol with the neighboring kids and swimming in the mosoon made pond. I enjoyed the company of some men my age but also was uncomfortable with their generosity at times and the way they treated other, younger kids. I felt tired after just a little bit of time playing futbol. Am I out of shape? Shaun, they guy that invited me, said something interesting one night as we hung out with his friends sipping chai and eating bananas. He said to me you look really happy. How can you be so happy? That made me realize that I haven't thought about being happy for a long time. I've just been accepting what has been going on, trying to learn and be aware through my experiences. I told him that I don't try to be happy but just accept, be at pease, with what is happening.

Now I'm living in a Hotel with about a dozen other bengladeshi and predominatly muslim men. Some have lived there for a number of years. It feels like a home there and I've been learning from them. I participated in a Islamic prayer one night. I felt good energy at the beginning but it went on for a long time and I had feelings of exhaution, boredom and disinterest. Two men about my age were talk/singing really quickly in Araebic the whole time. I later learned that this was a special type of praying time. For Ramadam (month of fasting) these two men were memorizing the Qur'an and reciting chapters of it during prayer. One would recite and the other would listen and correct when necessary. I had heard about people memorizing the Qur'an as a display of devotion and now I was seeing it! The more I learn and experience Islam the more I've been exposed to characteristics I dislike or don't believe in. For example, righteousness and poor listening/accepting skills.

I've made some really nice friends here. One of which I perceive is really critical of Islam and racism. I'm trying to be accepting of Islam. Considering my disliking for it's non-accepting nature (what I perceive thus far) it seems hypocritical for me to be non-accepting of it. I'm learning.

I'm learning a lot about patience and understanding people's actions here. For example, when people ask me questions I would take it personally sometimes as think "why is this person asking me the same old questions? Why are they being so annoying? They are doing it just to annoy me?" but realizing that I was complaining and actually blaming them has allowed me to be more aware of these thoughts and when I'm aware of the thoughts I can see the situation more clearly. See well actually these questions are brand new for them. They are just curious and don't realize that I've been asked them a million times and they aren't trying to be annoying in any way.

I've also been trying to volunteer lately but it hasn't been too successful. I found a really interesting organization that is a organic agriculture movement with a spiritual component based on a poet in Bangladesh many decades ago. One thing I really like about it is that it gives respect to all living beings and is not just concerned with the human food crops. I've been trying to volunteer with this group and it looks I will be able to visit some of the places they are established and do some writing of my experience for a western audience. I'm quite excited about this. I've never written for anyone before and I think I will have a observant and hopefully insightful opinion. It would be nice if it was positive too but I'll be honest, and optimistic.

I've also met two men that seem to be very knowledgeable but don't seem very accepting. Don't seem to listen very well. I think they have very strong ego's. I do fear that I'm just saying everyone has a big ego and that I don't but really it is my ego saying those exact words. I'm trying to be present in the situation, which is really exhausting at times, and also figure out how to deal with these people. I'm trying to learn from them because they have interesting ideas but I would also like to express some of my ideas and be heard. Have them listen too.

I've booked my boat home!! It leaves from Singapore in October bringing me home in mid November to Prince Rupert! It look like I'll have to fly to Malaysia but I'm still hoping that I'll be able to get their by land or water. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
I'm really excited to come home and also to see Prince Rupert and other parts of Central BC. I hope to visit some intentional communities on the way to Summerland.

So I'm still alive and being more and more present,
Hope this finds post finds you at peace,
Kelly