Home Life

Hello everyone,

I hope people are finding satisfaction in their life in this moment. Spring is arriving! I like the winter but I'm ready for the changes and beauties that spring offers. It's been awhile since I wrote last and I wonder if anyone still checks for new posts. I intend to continue writing but if at any time I decide that I will not continue then I will write a fair well entry so that people don't have to bother checking the blog anymore.

I've been home for about three months now. And some big things have been happening. I went to a Vipassana meditation course in Merritt. The day before starting the course I stayed with some couchsurfers in Merritt and they were so beautiful. Exactly the kind of atmosphere that I needed before starting the course. Relaxed, honest, good connection and we had a lot of fun playing music. I guess the atmosphere made me feel like when I was traveling and people saw me as a spiritual person. They valued, or at least understood to a higher degree, what I had to say. I suspect now that this is another angle my ego has taken to try to get control again, identifying with this spiritual person image, and so I try not to get hung up on it. Just trying to be Present all the time. But I did enjoy their company.

The Vipassana course was not the big epiphany that I was hoping for. It's main themes were ideas that I've already been processing and trying to practice. However, they applied at a different level and I got a deeper or different understanding of some of these ideas. I feel it was beneficial. I learned a new meditation technique, it really helped my meditation sitting strength and could be very helpful for a person that hasn't been exposed to such ideas before. I'm not describing the ideas because many of my friends that told me about it refrained from describing it too much. Allowing people to experience it for themselves with less preconceived ideas. One thing I found interesting though, was that men and women were separated. While living in Bangladesh and India there is a lot of separation amongst the sexes. I feel this leads to less understanding between the two groups and takes the individuality out of people. What I mean is when I wasn't able to talk or interact with the female people in the group I started to see them more as objects of lust. I didn't see them so much as other people with personality and ideas. And this was only after a few days! I suspect this happens often in places where sexes are segregated and I think it can make marriage or opposite sex interactions more difficult. Maybe not?

After the Vipassana course I went on a tour through Abbotsford, Aldergrove, Victoria, Port Albernie, and Vancouver. I visited old friends and family members. It was pretty fun a lot of the time hanging out with people I've known for a while and sharing and interacting with them in new ways with a different, can I say greater, perception. I feel like I understood and was more open with many people now. Though some not so much and I, at times, had feelings of high anxiety wondering how to fill the time. Getting caught up in my emotions, being unaware. I constantly find myself catching myself caught up in thoughts. But that's okej. Every time I catch myself I just go, Okej that's what I was doing well I don't have to do that, and take a deep breath.

Returning back to Summerland I've found a temporary job. It's been interesting too because it takes up a lot of time. Before I had a lot of time on my hands at home and got a bit overwhelmed with what to do with myself even though I had lots of things that I wanted to do. Now with less free time I find myself more productive with that time. It's more manageable. I also found a new home for my cat with some really nice people that live just a few blocks away. A grandmother and granddaughter have taken him in and they have a nice back yard that he can get into trouble in. The grandmother was looking for a cat and she said she's a kind of person that believes things are meant to be. When she saw the poster I put up for Milo she just knew that he was the cat for her.

Other big news is that my Mom has come back from her vacation down south. I got to meet her boyfriend and have really been enjoying my time with her. Finding out more about her and how she perceives this world.

I found myself getting wrapped up in emotion and future in the last couple weeks. Trying to make money at my job. Reading "The New Earth" was refreshing. I just opened it up to a random page and it seemed very fitting. Avoid reliving past experiences over and over again in your head. Embrace and accept the emotions that come to you but don't dwell on them. Plan for the future but also don't worry about it. It is out of your control. Do what you can, make a plan but let it take it's course. I also was reading about how our primary purpose is just to be here, now. To be Present. To awaken. That this is humanities primary purpose: to Awaken or be aware of this moment. And our Secondary purpose is to do the practical stuff. ie. when I'm riding my bike my primary purpose is to be aware of riding my bike, pushing the petals, feeling the wind or whatever is happening in that moment. The secondary purpose is to get to the top of the hill and off to work. Being present, the primary purpose, is the foundation for a persons secondary purpose. It's our state of mind that's most important and when we are acting out of presence we will have more energy and quality in what we are doing. More meaning.
This is what I've been reading. Some of it really seems to make sense to me but I have trouble explaining it and remembering it too which seems strange and I think upsets me but I'm trying to accept it. As well, some of it I haven't experienced for myself but feels right, though I think personal experience is the key. I plan to read and process it more and then write another post giving a better explanation. I would like to share one more part that felt right which is the idea that when one is interacting with another person they are not just a person but a field of awareness. Being that field of awareness is the primary purpose of that interaction and whatever the other reasons - buying something, selling, enterteining,- is the secondary. The secondary may still be important but it's secondary.

In a few weeks a good friend from Winterpeg will be coming to the Okanagan. I'm excited to see her. But who knows what it will be like?

I'll keep my sights set on the present, or at least bring it back every time I catch it wandering.

Pease and Presence,

Love

Before and after returing home

Hello hello,
Hope everyone is aware and accepting of how they are feeling right now.

I said that there was some interesting things (in my opinion) that happened before arriving home. Well, one of those interesting things started when I found a church one day in "the mansions". The mansions are bunch of large buildings containing two floors of stores selling food, watches, calling cards, electronics, and lots of other floors including rooms for low budget tourists and churches apparently too. It's a maze. One day trying to find a hostel in the mansions I heard African drums being played and decided to check it out. Turned out to be a Christian church. While listening to the service I felt a lot of resistance inside me. Me thinking " I don't agree with this and that" but then I decided that I wanted to understand, without having to agree, and also try to see if we shared some ideas. And we did.
Example: giving all your problems to Jesus is kind of like not focusing on your "problems", letting them go, though I try not to judge situations in life as "problems". Maybe that problem will help you or someone else tremendously.
I accepting to listen helped me to hear more clearly what was being said at the Church. That allowed me to take away some things, notably, to have some sacrifice in ones faith for the sake of discipline. This got me thinking that I wasn't making any sacrifices and with the "new to me" reason of self discipline I thought I could benefit from that. A day later I realized that abstaining from sex was the sacrifice for me. I've been learning over and over again that I don't want to get sexually involved with people unless I suspect that it is probable that we will be together for a while. That day I made a commitment to abstaining from sex, kissing and any other sexually arousing activities for the next 365 days. However, later that day I got into a situation where I was challenged on this commitment. I met a newly made friend in Hong Kong. I really feel it was a test. With this commitment I learned more about desire and how I try to use logic to convince myself that it is okej. The logic can be really false but because I want to satisfy the desire I will believe it and do what I want to do at that moment. I also found that I often don't want to resist the desire. I think that I could. I could leave the situation or not fuel the thoughts that tempt me but the real issue is my attitude towards the desire. I just want to fulfill it. I need to have my mind made up before hand and not let my false logic convince me. As well I think it helped my newly made friend. We talked a lot into the night and found out that she had been rushing into the sexual part of relationships which had resulted in her partners loosing interest in her. She didn't like this but had continued this situation because she would be overcome by her desire in the moment. So I suspect it was a learning process for her too. However, I did break the commitment in the end. We kissed. It occurred the next day in the early morning. But I feel like that is okej because I learned about desire through resisting for as long as I did and I'm going to continue this commitment even though it has been spoiled already. I feel like it will keep me from being proud.
Another interesting thing, in my opinion, occurred on the cargo ship crossing the pacific. The ride wasn't exactly what I was expecting: could forget I was at sea, many men on the crew weren't very happy with their job and didn't have much time, days went by really fast. I ended up watching some movies like Bruno, Whatever Works, Lord of War and JESUS. Bruno got me observing my thoughts and feelings towards homosexuality and I found that I wasn't as open as I thought I was. Still had a negative stigma. Not a real surprise. I'm constantly find ways in which I'm not open and I take this as a learning opportunity to help me open up. After watching Bruno I found a movie called JESUS in my room and decided to watch it. It seemed to speak to me. I felt a lot of energy and liked what he had to say about loveing thy neighbour and the way people treated him when others claimed he was the messiah. The energy I felt that night motivated me to leave my room where I then found one of the crew and ended up having an interesting conversation about afterlife. He believed if you are "good" you go to heaven and I also told him about my abstenance commitment. I also might have seen The Divine or perhaps it was just low fog or exhaust? Whatever Works and Lord of War showed me that interesting mainstream movies do exist. I found the arrogant genius character in Whatever Works and the ethical dilema in Lord of War interesting and insightful.
Arriving to Canada, specifically Prince Rupert, I found myself really interested in First Nations' culture, both modern and traditional, and also went through some thought observance. Basically, I was wearing a lungi in Prince Rupert which I assumed most people would think was a dress and I had thoughts that many people were judging me and considering to beat me up. However, when I talked and interacted with people more I realized that the judgements were mostly in my head. People may have been judging me but that doesn't really matter. Nobody beat me up (or even tried) and many people were really kind to me. Makes me suspect that we can easily take offence from misread and biased perception. To what degree do we create our own reality by the prejudgements and biasis we have. I suspect that the common "reality" is much more subjective than I (and perhaps many others) have often considered.
Now back in Summerland I'm finding myself engaging in interesting discussions about university education,credibility, responsibility, spirituality and religion, blind faith, choice and fate, 2012, teaching methods amoung other topics. It has been a refreshing experience to see the "other side" of topics that I haven't been exposed to in quite awhile and finding them valid in some ways. Testing my suspicions (faith or beliefs in other words). Maybe all the "signs" I've recieved are false and self created from a biased perspective. I've also had some typical and superficial conversations that make me feel like people don't understand me. As well I find myself feeling stressed with the lack of progress I've made on some practical and governmental tasks. Feeling overwhelmed and a resistance to feeling overwhelmed. I often felt overwhelmed before leaving Canada and I though I was over it. I'm trying to be aware of these thoughts and feelings and keep in mind I can choose how to react to them if I'm aware of them. That this is only my perception which may have a negative slant right now. I feel coming home will be a real learning experience to reprocess the things I've learned away. And to re-comfront my ego. I think it has more strength here in it's home turf, but I still suspect the light of presence will always prevail.

Still learning even at home.
I hope I'll be able to keep learning through all my time here on earth. Accept. Be humble. Listen.

Love

Honey I'm HOME :)

Okej,
I hope everyone is at Peace. Is here.
I'm here. Home that is and already feeling like I've never left. Feeling inspired and eager to begin
the projects that I've had in mind for so many months now. It was hard to fall asleep last night.
Some things have changed here some have not.
Some interesting things happened a long the way from Hong Kong to HOME but I'd rather be off the computer and involved in the projects happening around the house today so I'll write about that in the next few days.
I've decided, for the moment, to continue this blog. I don't intend to stop having inspiring, insightful, boring, happy, sad, and preferably nonjudged experiences now that I've returned home. To the so called REAL WORLD. I don't suspect there is as much truth in the real world as many would have me believe. Perhaps I'm wrong.
Live life with
Love

On the boat!

Turns out that I have indeed made it upon the cargo ship.

I'm the only passenger! But there are some nice german guys around my age that I'm hanging out with.

There are also many Phillipino guys that are really nice and fun.

There's also not one but TWO guitars. I've been practising and my fingers hurt.

AND there is a PING PONG table.

I've been doing yoga everyday and trying not to eat too much: there is so much really delicious food on board.

The sea has been beautiful though I haven't really been feeling a deep conection with it as I have in past experiences. (Accept)

I saw some flying fish!

It's starting to get cold so I won't be able to hangout for so long outside.

One of the guys, Hans, gave me a tour of the engine which was pretty noisey, big, and hot. The pistons are about twice my height.

Today we will arrive to Japan but it doesn't appear that I will be allowed to go ashore. However, I can see a really big volcanoe from the ship:)

I was amazed at how much stuff get's moved around the world by cargo ship. Wow. The ship yards are huge with thousands of containers and in China it took them 24 hours non-stop to unload and reload the ship, using four differenent cranes.

The boat is currently about a day behind schedule which means I may not have much time in Prince Rupert but I should still be able to catch my bus which leaves the night of the 17th and arrives the night of the 18th to Summerland!

It's been interesting, boring,fun, exciting, calm, smokey, noisey, quiet, cold, hot, windy, and restful so far.

I'll see what ten days of nothing but ocean feels like.

Acceptance,

Love,

Kelly

I'm I REALLY going??

Hello every Being,
I hope this post finds you accepting whatever you are feeling in this moment.
So I made it to Hong Kong. Traveling through China again was all too familiar and the cold weather got me thinking of Christmas. Hong Kong has been interesting, insightful, expensive, tiring, beautiful. I've met some really kind people hear. I went to an all night movie screening. The films all had something to do with Aids and I learned a lot about Hiv in China and Africa. Selling blood in the last 3o years was a way for chinese people (mostly quite monetarily poor people) to get some extra money but ended up giving a lot of people aids: the donors and the recievers. There wasn't much knowlege about aids so people were really afraid of it and would ostrasize the people that had it, not knowing how contagious it was. In africa, specifically Kenya, many people won't admit to having aids because it is seen as a dirty thing, coming from prostitution or homosexuality. Many teachers preach abstanance and to stay away from condoms, because the church is against stoping procreation. Interesting stuff. And the people that attended the film screening were really nice.
I also met a nice friend and fellow cser. I wasn't able to find a host in Hong Kong and accomodation is really expensive for me: $15/night for a bed. I figured there would be other cser's in my situation so I thought maybe I can share my room with another person unable to find a host. And I ended up meeting a beautiful person whom later invitated me to meet more beautiful people. We went for a swim, talked about a lot of spiritual and nonspiritual things. I learned more about Kung Fu, felt inspired to rekindle my weakend conection with non-human Beings AND I saw the biggest buddha I've ever seen accompanied with lots of calm energy.
Tomorrow is the day that my ship shall set sail, I've been told. I can't really believe it. We will see. If I do leave tomorrow I should arrive to Prince Rupert on the 16th, catch the bus on the 17th and arrive home on the night of the 18th. HOME!

Hope everyone else out there is enjoying their HOME
Love

Vietnam

Photos: Train view from a town somewhere in central vietnam. Modern city scene in Saigon (Ho chi min). Some calm traffic in Hanoi with the typical pyramid hat. A group of newly formed slackers with the guy in the white shirt wearing miragio around his neck. Some fun people that I had lunch with on the out skirts of Hanoi whom also served me some home brew alcohol and charged me the local price.




Hello everyBeing,
I hope this post finds you Present.
Well I'm in Vietnam now and will be heading back to China tonight. Last time in China we couldn't get access to the blog so that may occur again.

Well I think I had some unconscious expectations for Vietnam. Romantic ones of course, I knew about it from an early age when hearing about the war and hippies. I thought it would be more communist and old but it's quite modern in the big cities which is all I've really seen. On the out skirts of the city and along the train ride there were a lot of rice fields, small wood houses, oxen tilling fields and that sort of living.
Traffic is quite fun. There is seldom a traffic light or stop sign at four way intersections but you just have to know where you are going and it most often works its way out. I've been cycling through it with joy.
Here as well as in Cambodia people think I'm a cross dresser or lady boy. I felt strong negative emotions arise in me when asked whether I was a man or a woman. I see it as another opportunity to dis-identify with emotion. Kind of cool that people don't know what gender I am. I suspect it doesn't matter as much as we think it does and this is giving me a chance to help transcend gender.
In some ways I find that Vietnamese culture is a bit aggressive (in my eyes) or perhaps there is more ego here from the war or other sources. I've found myself get taken over by my ego a few times and let anger overcome me. Be me. More challenges :)

The night before last I saw some guys break dancing in a concrete park. They had music playing, there were skateboarders, and fruit booters (roller bladers), families, people selling stuff. A really nice scene. I stayed around for a long time watching. The break dancers were really talented. I noticed too that there is a lot of macho behavior in this activity. Lots of ego, I percieve. I also noticed that I felt the urge to join or say hello but upon noticing this thought I decided I don't need to participate. Last night I went back to the square after thinking that Mirage, my slackline, would also fit in quite nice there. People really liked it. A big crowd formed and lots of guys were trying it. Some of them were progressing quite quickly and some of the break dancer guys came to try and we hung out a bit:) One guy was really progressing fast: jumping on, walking there a back with a turn. I gave him Miragio. I figure I can get another slackline in Canada pretty easy. This guy and many others showed a lot of interest. And it is just a material thing. It felt right. I hope they don't think that because I'm from Canada I must therefore be rich and can just give things away just like that. But from the way I look and our interaction together I don't think they get that impression. The people were so much fun.

Well I'm heading out for China tonight and plan to be on that cargo ship home soon!
I'm really looking forward to that and seeing many of you folks

Love

sue-ahh-sue-die from Cambodia

Hello there! (Sue-ahh-sue-die means hello in Khmer the main language in Cambodia)

Well I'm a fast traveler now. I had a great train ride to Bangkok, Thailand, from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I met some nice Americans a long the way. One of them had been working in Antarctica for the last three years and the other was a long time Asia traveler that let me know that I would have to travel very quickly in order to make it to Hong Kong in two weeks. She kind of got my rear in gear.
Bangkok was interesting though I felt unmotivated and a bit anti-social. I'm getting use to this quick traveling system now but in Bangkok I felt like I don't know this place. I don't have any friends and I'm just going to leave quite soon anyways. Not enough time to get into anything.
I did meet some nice people though and two really sweet ladies refused to take my money after I ate lunch at their stand on the side of the road. I think they thought I was some sort of traveling monk. Or a bum. hmmmm

I decided to go to Cambodia in the end and getting there was quite a touristic hoop jumping experience. Lots of extra fees along the way. But it's only money and I made some really nice friends through the experience. I ended up hanging out with those friends for the last 3 days in Siem Reap, the town closest to Angkor Wat, and we've been laughing and talking a lot together.

Angkor Wat and the other temples in the Angkor area have been interesting. I suspect my expectations were higher but that's okej. There are loads of tourists here which does make it difficult to feel the energy of the place but I did get some silent a lone times in Angkor too and the smaller temples are really nice because there are not so crowded with people.

Cambodia or really I can only say Siem Reap has been interesting too for the Cambodians are really relying on tourism for a source of income. Meaning when you arrive somewhere ten people might come up to you saying "only 1 dollar", "buy something?", "Why you not buy???". I feel fortunate that I've pick up a few phrases in Khmer that have helped me have some laughs with the people and I've had some nice, non-commercial experiences with some of the locals too.
Been having some really interesting conversations too ie. Last night just started talking with some Polish people and it turned into a spiritual, accepting, judgment awareness, mind identification discussion. It felt really meant to be and I suspect I'm giving off some sort of energy or perhaps just the way I look makes people want to talk about this kind of stuff with me. Whatever it is I'm happy that these kinds of discussions are happening and that I can be a part of it. Actually I didn't even know these people were Polish. We completely bypassed all the small talk stuff. It was really nice.

I'll be on my way to Ho Chi Min, Vietnam in a day or two and then take the train all the way up to Hanoie in the north of Vietnam soon after so that I can get to Hong Kong in time.
I hope people are at Peace and taking the opportunities to teach and to learn from the experiences in their lives.

Love